


Braver Than Silence (I Wish We'd Been)

by younglemonade



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Bechloe AU, Clexa, Drama, F/F, Pitch Perfect AU, Romance, clexa au, clexa ppau, minor Costia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-22 20:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3743095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younglemonade/pseuds/younglemonade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre-med freshman Clarke Griffin is forced by her roommate to join TonDC Univeristy's all-girl acapella group, the Side Notes. There, she meets the notoriously closed-off and ruthless team co-captain Lexa Polis, who is set on beating out the Trebleshooters at the collegiate finals this year.<br/>Maybe they both need to loosen up a little. </p><p>A Pitch Perfect AU (or the one where Lexa has an uncontrollable crush on Clarke and things get musical and complicated)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Side Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Octavia cashes in a favour and Lexa just might need CPR.

Clarke groans. 

Pre-Med is like majoring in self-hatred. College only started two weeks ago and somehow she's already got four assignments. Her brain aches constantly from being drowned in information, and she can hardly remember the last time she had a spare moment to draw. 

She pulls her pillow over her face and lets herself blank out for moment, briefly daydreaming about how much less stressful her life would be if her mother had let her do an arts degree. 

Clarke is too tired to even flinch when the dorm room door slams open, her whirlwind of a high school best friend slash roommate barging in, all dark hair and rebelliousness. 

"So you remember during finals last year when I helped you study and you said you owed me big time?" Octavia begins without even checking to see if Clarke is awake, "Well, I've discovered how I'm going to cash that in. Hey, you ok there? Don't suffocate yourself."

Bright light suddenly invades Clarke's world as the younger Blake sibling tugs her lovely blue pillow away. 

Dragging a hand through her hair, Clarke comes to terms with the idea that all attempts at some relaxation will be fruitless. "All right, O, let's hear it."

A grin lights up her friend's face. A distinctly mischievous grin. The kind that brings back memories of bad plans and closely evaded detentions from past days. "Ok, you know how I told you Bell was captain of the boys' acapella group here?"

Clarke nods slowly. "Yeah, the TonDC Trebleshooters. Musical nerd royalty. And I know that look on your face, so before you ask, I am  _not_ going to one of their shows to heckle with you. I refuse."

Octavia looks mildly offended. "Not gonna lie, I'm a little hurt you think my plan was so weak. No, in fact, I have a much more elaborate plan for reigning supremely over my brother and becoming the golden one."

Clarke shakes her head, allowing herself a small smile for the first time that afternoon (her assigned reading of 122 pages on radiation-related birth defects hadn't exactly been smile-inducing). "You two have really got that hold 'sibling rivalry' thing down to the textbook definition, don't you?"

"I wouldn't expect you to understand," Octavia says, though not unkindly. "Anyway, back to my master plan. Bell has been super over protective and totally killing my vibe since the start of semester. So, I figure I'll make him so focused on his little nerd choir and trying to beat me that he'll forget all about which parties I'm going to." she concludes, looking rather pleased with herself. "Bell's even more competitive than I am, so this idea is, like, virtually flawless."

Clarke feels like she missed an important phase of the plan. "How are you going to make him to try to beat you, exactly?"

"Keep up, Clarke, jeez," - an eye roll which Clarke doesn't feel she deserves - "I'm going to join the Side Notes."

"The what?"

"Oh my god, did you even pay any attention at  _all_  when we went to the Activities Fair?"

"I've had to cram a lot of stuff in my head since then, O -"

Octavia cuts her off with a wave of her hand. "The Side Notes are like... The antithesis of the Trebleshooters. They war it out each year at the collegiate acapella finals, which is completely geeky... But you get to go to New York. And it would totally drive Bell crazy if we beat him."

"We? Why do you need me to join?"

"Because, Clarke, my friend, apparently all the Side Notes are stone cold bitches, especially the co-captains. I'm going to need you to balance out that effect. Like Lady Justice. Also, you spend practically all your time either in class, asleep or studying. You need to do something chill, or you'll burn yourself out before you can even apply to Med school." Octavia seems genuinely concerned, and in the end, that's what makes her cave. "Remember how I was saying you owe me big time...?"

"Fine. I'll join with you. But I'm not promising to try too hard to crush Bellamy's soul. He's practically my cousin, and I love both of you."

Octavia shrugs, unconcerned. "But we're roommates, and you love me more," she supplies. 

"It's true, I do, O."

"Great. Try outs are tomorrow. You better be there, Clarke. I mean it. You have to go put your name down with the captains at the Activities hall. Last minute sign-ups end this afternoon, so get your ass down there, Griffin."

"I will. Promise."

Octavia gives her the same smile Clarke's watched her use on Bellamy and uncountable others when she's got what she wants. "Awesome. Now I'm going to go hang out with Mr McHot who I met at that party on Saturday before Bell kicked me out. Bye!"

"Be safe!" Clarke calls after her roommate's retreating back, and sighs as the door closes. 

Even if it means repaying Octavia a very big favour and having a small and petty victory over Bellamy (perhaps some of her best friend's competitive streak has rubbed off on her), Clarke would be willing to bet her all college savings that nothing good could possibly come of joining the Side Notes. 

 

"Four girls. Including us. How can that be possible? The Trebleshooters already have six," Anya curses angrily, pacing around her whiteboard, which features a neatly drawn success program that kinda looks like a battle plan. 

"Well, we do have something of a reputation as, and I quote here, Anya, "level one hundred on the bitch-o-dometer". Which is rather flattering, but does scare off most students," Lexa informs her calmly from where she stands beside her co-captain and friend (only friend). 

"I know you two broke up in, like, January, but I really thought Costia would come back this year. It's not like freshman relationships mean anything, right? She -"

"She transferred to Columbia." Costia's name doesn't make her heart twinge painfully anymore. It's been nine months since they broke up, and they were only together for three. Lexa carefully pushes back the flood of memories: Costia had meant a lot to her, but she'd never been enough. Or maybe just not the right kind of 'enough'. Lexa needs someone challenging. Interesting. Fascinating. 

Perhaps that person doesn't exist. 

Lexa shrugs that thought away. She needs to focus completely on winning the acapella finals this year. Singing has never been her thing, but she needs something to round out her Law school application. Something that says "culturally involved". She'd joined the Side Notes last year on the advice of her mech-major roommate, Raven Reyes, and hadn't regretted it. Raven herself belonged to the all-girl team to do pyrotechnics and cool effects on stage for their performances, and considered the whole "acapella" thing a side job. 

"Fine. Let's just hang around another hour or so to see if we get anymore girls to join. If not, we'll have to figure out a way to smash Blake and his stupid Trebleshooters with just the four of us. We don't even have enough to host the auditions at this stage. We'll have to cancel," Anya grumbles curtly, glaring at nothing in particular with more power than the university's mass spectrometer. 

Lexa decides to refrain from pointing out that they probably won't get any new hopefuls with Anya looking so amazingly threatening. She's always liked the authoritative and standoffish nature of her friend, but she's learned she's one of the few. 

"Hello?" a soft but unfamiliar voice pipes up from behind Lexa. 

She turns around and immediately wishes she hadn't. Her heart judders slightly like a car with a failing engine, and all she can think is that she is super fucking screwed. 

Lexa never really had a thing for blondes, but in this moment, she really,  _really_  has a thing for blondes. Her eyes have a warmth to them, which catches Lexa off guard; she'd have thought they'd be colder and harsher like the oceans that they so resemble. 

_Say something. Say something, Lexa. You can't just sit there like a total freak._

"Yes?" she manages finally. An entire monosyllable was impressive. Maybe Anya will come and bail her out of this conversation before she has an aneurism. 

The girl smiles quickly, and Lexa wishes she took physics, just so she could figure out how that smile works. It's probably a good thing that the first aid training tent is only about twenty feet away. 

"I'm Clarke Griffin," she says, and even though her name isn't quite as beautiful as she is (how could it possibly be?), it suits her well. 

"What can I help you with?" Lexa offers, successfully forming an entire sentence. She hopes the girl is just looking for directions or something, because she will undoubtedly spontaneously combust if she spends more than a few minutes in Clarke Griffin's general vicinity. 

"I'd like to sign up."

Maybe 'super fucking screwed' was an understatement. 

 


	2. On 7th and Fitz Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raven Reyes meets the newest members of the Side Notes by accident, and Lexa has The Look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tag "#clexa ppau" will have updates and asks and ideas about this story on Tumblr. If you have any questions or ideas, however strange or random, I can promise I would love to hear them. My URL is newyorkrenegades
> 
> Also please remember this is my first go at fanfic so let's all be constructive and chill. 
> 
> *see the end of the chapter for notes relevant to the specific content of this chapter

"Where do you need me to pick you up from?" Clarke presses her phone against her ear as she grabs her jacket and quickly closes the dorm room door behind her. 

"Um... Who knows? Life is a mystery, Clarke. Like trees. Aren't trees just super mysterious? Like, you little green bitches, I bet -" a rather drunk Octavia takes a deep breath, launching into some deep and meandering conspiracy theory, and Clarke allows herself a small sigh and an even smaller smile of amusement before cutting her best friend off. 

"O, I'm sure you're right, but at the moment, I just need you to give me the name of the street you're on, ok?" she encourages as if she were placating a small child. 

She can make out a huff on the other end of the line as she unlocks her car and slides in behind the wheel, turning her phone onto speaker. 

"Hi, um... Clarke, is it? We're at 7th and Fitz Street. The only house with a party going," a clear voice cuts in that definitely does not belong to her intoxicated roommate. 

Clarke frowns, worry washing away the relatively untroubled thoughts that had occupied her mind before O's call (thoughts which had absolutely  _completely_ nothing to do with the not-at-all incredibly attractive Side Notes co-captain). "I'm sorry, who is this?"

"My name's Raven. I was at the party with your friend, Octavia. Anyway, she's pretty wasted and I don't know who she came here with, so I got her to call someone."

"Thanks. I can be there in under ten minutes. Can you make sure she doesn't wander off?"

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll wait with her."

"Great. Sorry about this," Clarke adds. Octavia is normally at least halfway responsible and nearly always intelligent, but Bellamy's overprotectiveness has had a polar opposite effect to the one he'd intended. Instead of reigning her in, he's only succeeded in stoking the wild streak Octavia had already possessed. 

"It's fine," comes the reply. "You friend is crazy fun drunk. She's been telling me about how submarines are a kind of sandwich her brother likes."

Clarke know for a fact that Octavia has several levels of intoxication, starting at happy and ridiculous and degrading steadily to sad and regretful. Judging by her tree-related conspiracy chatter, O is still at stage one. "She's not too drunk then, which is good, cos I think we have a singing audition tomorrow morning. I can't imagine all those bright lights and loud sounds will exactly help her hangover."

There is a pause on Raven's end, leaving Clarke to drive in silence for a moment. Then - "Are you guys auditioning for the Side Notes?"

Clarke nods, before remembering she is alone in her car, and her new acquaintance can't see her. "Yeah. They said they might not have auditions if not enough people apply, though."

"I'm in the Side Notes! It's super fun," Raven replies happily. Her next words come muted, as if she is talking from further away. "No, Octavia, that's a garden gnome, not a..."

A minute of silence ensues. Clarke can make out the thumping of party music in the background, and something that sounds like her roommate strongly disagreeing with something. "Ok, I'm back," Raven says. 

"I was told all the Side Notes were..." Clarke decides to find a slightly more appropriate term than Octavia's descriptor of 'stone cold bitches'. "A little aloof? You seem pretty chill, though."

Raven gives a noncommittal noise she imagines is accompanied by a shrug. "Some of them are really intense about winning. I don't even like singing. I only go because Lexa and Anya let me do special effects for their shows, and to make up numbers."

"I met Lexa," Clarke supplies, pulling onto 7th and stoically ignoring the inexplicable stomach flip that accompanies the other girl's name (she'll have to look that symptom up in her pre-med textbooks later, maybe she's caught something). She turns the steering wheel, betting she can't be more than a minute away from the party, now. "She seemed a little flustered, but otherwise pretty nice."

She can hear Raven's confused laugh. "Flustered? Wait, the Lexa you're talking about has brown hair, about this high -"

"I can't see how high you're pointing."

"Right. Sorry. But seriously. Lexa has been my roommate for over a year, and I would never, ever describe her as flustered. She's always cool. And not like the Engima machine cool, but like... Professor McGonagall cool."

"Well, she definitely seemed flustered to me, but I don't know her very well. Ok, I'm driving onto Fitz now."

"We shouldn't be too hard to spot. Octavia's trying to replicate the High School Musical poster poses, so..."

Clarke can indeed see a figure pulling off surprisingly accurate imitations. She smiles to herself, wondering whether or not she would be a bad friend if she filmed her. Switching off the ignition, she climbs out onto the sidewalk, and walks towards the only other girl on the lawn who is not currently recreating Troy Bolton. 

"Hey," she calls out. 

The girl, who she's, like, 99% sure is Raven, turns around and shoots her a smile. "Hi," she grins cheerfully. "I'm Raven Reyes, mech extraordinaire. You just be Clarke."

Clarke nods. "Roommate extraordinaire. Do you reckon I'll need a net to catch O and get her to the car?" she poses, eyeing her hyperactive friend. 

"I could build you an automated Octavia trap," she replies, looking deadly serious for a moment before cracking a smirk. "That was a joke, but my ego requires me to inform you that that is a thing I could actually do."

"I believe you." Clarke turns. "Octavia! You ready to go home now?"

After a few seconds, Octavia comes jogging over. "I think I'd like to stay here a little longer," she says, before walking over to the hedges to inspect something that Clarke can't make out. 

"Want that net now?" Raven asks. 

Clarke shakes her head. "Watch this. O," she calls. "If you come home, we can watch Fight Club."

"Hell yes!" the other girl shouts, practically sprinting over to the car. Her currently somewhat childish demeanour clashes amusingly with her black hair and dark clothes. 

"She  _always_  watches Fight Club when she's drunk. I'm not really sure why. I think something to do with all the punching really speaks to her. Anyway, it's late, so I'm just gonna take her home right now. Do you need a lift back to the dorms?" Clarke offers. 

Raven tilts her head in consideration, casting a careful glance back towards the house. "This is my boyfriend's frat house, and he picked me up, but he's probably too drunk to drive me home. So yeah, if that's not a problem, that would be really great, actually."

 

Just. 

_Brilliant_. 

Lexa needs to be completely on her A game this year - it's Anya's last chance to be part of a TonDC team that wins at the collegiate finals. The Side Notes have a long and tragic history of being crushed by the Trebleshooters, a streak that Lexa is determined to end. 

Nothing was supposed to be allowed to break her focus on the competition this year, and now  _stupid. Clarke. Griffin_. 

What kind of an unfunny practical joke is the universe trying to play?

Maybe she has completely misinterpreted her feelings. That could be it. She's just overreacting. Perhaps the weird palpitations of her heart had been due to the stress of sophomore pre-law. The apparent cognitive dysfunction and her inability to get her brain to connect to her mouth could've been induced by a lack of sleep. 

It's entirely possible that she's not attracted to Clarke Griffin at all. 

The memory of blonde hair, blue eyes and bright smile flashes through her mind and Lexa's body does that strange tingly thing again. 

Ugh. 

She does not have  _time_  for this. 

A few more minutes of self talk, and she can probably get herself into a reasonable state of denial. She can be pretty persuasive - something that will hopefully contribute to her career as a lawyer. 

Lexa is torn (rudely) from her 1am thoughts by the arrival of her rather rowdy roommate. 

"Hey," Raven says, flopping down onto her bed with a distinct lack of grace. "How ha going there, Lex? Whoa. Code Lilac. You only get That Look in three situations."

"Oh? What look?"

"Well, it's either 'I'm doing complicated math in my head', 'I'm resisting the temptation to use that cheat on Sims' or 'I'm facing internal turmoil'. So what's up?"

Lexa remembers her thought from earlier today - that Anya was her only friend. Maybe she'd been right about that, maybe not. Raven was more like her cousin or step-sibling than a friend. A little irritating, often amusing and always caring in her interesting and uniquely Raven way. She sighs. "It's just... I'm just... I'm very gay," she settles on finally. It doesn't exactly sum up her whole problem, but it certainly addresses an aspect that she hadn't allowed herself to think about ( _what if I somehow find time for a distraction, but she never looks at me twice_?). 

Raven chuckles to herself. "I can't really help you out much there, Lexa. Instead, I choose to emotionally support you from over here. Do you feel supported?"

"Very."

"Excellent," Raven grins before dragging herself off her bed and over to their scarcely opened DVD box. 

Lexa frowns. "Since when do you watch DVDs, Reyes? Don't you usually just piggyback off my Netflix?"

"It's not like you ever use it," Raven defends, pulling an ancient copy of Fight Club out and taking a photo of the cover with her phone, before shoving the film back in the box. 

"What are you doing?" Lexa asks confusedly. She knows Raven's attention span is shorter than that of a 3 year old's when it comes to anything but mechanics, but surely even Raven can't have reached the point where she considers photographing the cover the equivalent of actually watching a movie. 

"Snapchatting Clarke. Don't worry, it's funny. Kinda. She'll get it," Raven assures her. 

"Like Clarke Griffin? That Clarke?"

Raven nods, smiling like she hasn't just neatly picked up and juggled the cause of the 'inner turmoil' whose existence she had diagnosed just minutes ago. "Yeah. She's cool. So's her roommate, Octavia. I've invited them over to do karaoke or Guitar Hero or something, seeing as we're probably going to have to cancel auditions because of numbers. It'll be good to sing with them before we're stuck in rehearsals 4 times a week, which, no offence, often feel more like work than fun."

Lexa tilts her head. "I do not take offence. I like work. Work provides a sense of accomplishment."

Raven rolls her eyes. "I once got a sense of accomplishment from eating only salt and vinegar chips for three days. I'll never manage to be a success junkie. I like being talented and lazy, it suits me."

"You're not that lazy, you know," Lexa tells her. "I'll admit, you have an interesting work ethic, but when things are important you're very reliable..."

Raven yawns. "Lexa, you know I find you fascinating, but you're sending me to sleep. You're not even a lawyer yet."

Lexa sighs, but allows herself a smile. This quickly falls off her face (in fact, everything inside her body from her brains to her stomach seems to drop to her feet) with Raven's next piece of information. "By the way, Lex, I promised them you'd be here for karaoke, so you're kinda locked in for a few hours. Thanks. G'night."

Raven rolls over and falls asleep almost immediately, leaving her roommate lying awake contemplating the unfathomably cruelties and odd sense of humour the world seems to have. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Note that I am queer, that any discussions of queerness in this chapter can only truly be reflective of my experience and what I am comfortable with (which is basically everything), and may not perfectly match your experience or understanding of queerness. I didn't think Lexa's comment could be construed as offensive (it wasn't to me), but if you interpreted it that way, I apologise.


	3. The Hang Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lexa literally hides from her problems, Clarke is the worst of the three and Raven becomes suspicious.

"Clarke? Are you even listening to me?" Octavia demands, waving her hand around to catch her friend's attention.

"Uh huh," Clarke mutters, her eyes never leaving the page of her textbook. Her roommate rolls her eyes.

"You aren't taking any notice of me at all, are you?"

"Uh huh," comes the distinctly robotic reply.

"Did you know that they found giant moths in Lecture Hall 5? Their wingspans are all between eight and twelve feet. At this stage we assume they have the diets of normal moths, but who knows? The bio kids are very excited."

"Of course," Clarke breathes, her gaze still fixed on the paragraph about the Interphase of mitosis.

With a huff, Octavia slams the textbook closed, and Clarke jumps in surprise. "Jeez, O."

"You've been studying for hours, Clarke. You need to take a break."

"O, if I don't study, I'll fail. Plus, I don't mind studying. I haven't ruined my attention span by exclusively watching Vines," she adds pointedly.

"I'm a girl of the modern world, what can I say? I'm exploring a new and more efficient medium."

"Your face is a more efficient medium." She flicks her tired stare back to the page.

"One day, Clarke, I'll teach you to be mean. I will. It will be my crucible, but I will manage it. I am a pioneer of my time."

Clarke allows herself a small smile. "How come the pioneer doesn't have any study of her own to do?"

Octavia sighs. "I do. But I decided to be smart, and not take pre-med. Besides, study will be here when we get back. Guitar Hero at Raven's will wait for no woman."

"The study being here when we get back is what I'm worried about," Clarke groans, running her hand through her tangled blonde hair.

Octavia none-to-gently angles Clarke's head so that she can look her straight in the eye. "Listen carefully, Clarke, because I'm only going to say this once. Get up, have a shower, put on something pretty and we'll go, or so help me Clarke Griffin, I will -"

"Ok, ok, ok," she says hastily, almost knocking over her chair in the process. The last time she'd heard her best friend say 'so help me', the kitchen of the Blake household had ended up with a batter on the kitchen ceiling and all of Bellamy's shoes at the bottom of the pool.

Ten minutes later Clarke has managed to get herself to a state in which it is respectable to leave the dorm room. She's not exactly catwalk ready, but considering she's only been getting about four hours of sleep a night for the past week, she reckons she's done pretty well.

Octavia casts an appraising eye over her. "Acceptable. Also I want to borrow those jeans sometime."

Clarke shrugs. "I can roll with acceptable. I mean, Raven first met us when you were roaring drunk and I was basically in PJs. It's not like I've got anyone to impress, right?"

Even as the words leave her mouth, though, her stomach flips a little. Ok, so there is someone she kinda does want to impress. Someone who'd been the reason she was reluctant to go to this in the first place.

But she's no business thinking that.

She's in no position to want Lexa to feel anything about her.

 

"It's unavoidable, Raven, sorry," Lexa apologises as she quickly scoops her hair up in a bun, dashing around the dorm room with practised efficiency.

Raven raises an eyebrow skeptically. "Really. Completely unavoidable. Sure," she sighs. "Look, let's just get this out there, Lex. Do you have a problem with Guitar Hero?"

Lexa pauses. "It's not like it contradicts my fundamental principles, so no."

A nod. "So do you have a problem with Clarke or Octavia then? Something that means you have to go to an 'emergency group meeting' for an assignment I know you finished last week just to avoid them? You should give them a chance, you know. You can't have met them for more than four minutes each. How bad could their impressions have possibly been, really?"

Raven doesn't grasp it at all, which Lexa is thankful for. It's not that Clarke made a bad impression at all. She made an overly good one. Good enough to have been burned onto the backs of Lexa's eyelids for three days. If only a few moments exposure can leave such a mark, a couple of hours could leave her off-kilter for months.

"I just... Please, Reyes, just trust me on this one? Tell them I'm sorry, but I couldn't be here," she says in a tone pathetically similar to begging.

Lexa's mum had drilled politeness into her head to the point where stepping out on a commitment was physically painful for her.

Not as painful as an encounter with Clarke would be, though, and she hangs onto that as she grabs her bag and dashes out the door.

 

"Lexa said to tell you she's sorry, but she had a last minute meeting with her assignment group. Unavoidable. You know how pre-law is," Raven tells them.

"Thankfully, I don't," Octavia supplies, oblivious to Clarke, who is trying to work out whether the odd feeling in her chest is disappointment or relief. "Well, I guess it's a shame, but it sure makes my path to victory clearer," O offers with a wicked smirk to accompany it.

Raven's eyebrows shoot up. "Really? Victory, huh? I feel I should warn you that I'm a mechanic, and am very good with my fingers. That sounded more sexual than I meant it, but you get it. Basically, I'll crush you."

Clarke can feel the beginning of an interesting rivalry, and wonders exactly how much of a break from hard work spending the evening with these children will be.

It quickly becomes apparent that Raven wasn't kidding about her abilities, and she easily vanquishes Clarke, who has always been a slow-and-precise type (maybe that comes from being an artist). Out of the roommates, though, Octavia has always been the reigning video game champion, so Clarke is quite interested to see how this plays out. She wishes someone else was here to place joking bets with, but no such luck.

She blocks out the sounds of "die, die, die" and "oh, you are going down" from the other two girls, and casts her gaze around the dorm room.

Raven's side is a little haphazard, littered with small cardboard boxes filled with what looks like metal junk to Clarke, but obviously has some kind of importance to Raven. On the wall is a giant poster of a cross-section of a Dalek, with wires and piping drawn on it in sharpie pen.

The other half of the room (Lexa's, Clarke assumes) is almost religiously clean. A copy of a Monet painting hangs above the bed, and the only thing remotely disorganised thing is the way the books are stowed on the shelves like puzzle pieces, trying to fit as many as possible in as little space. A few records (some Julie Andrews, a Penny Lane vinyl and quite a few songs from The Flying Pickets) are neatly displayed, but Clarke can't see a player anywhere.

"Clarke! Wake up. It's your go. You better beat Octavia, or she'll be the champion," Raven says crossly.

O looks as smug as she usually does at this kind of thing. "I told you I was good. I played piano for six years. I don't even like piano, but Bell hates it, so naturally I took it up once he took up hitting on my friends."

Clarke rolls her eyes. "Octavia, you really need to get over that somewhere along the line."

Raven's brow crinkles. "So, Clarke - you and this Bell guy - Octavia's brother - you two are..." she leaves the sentence hanging.

Both O and Clarke stare for a moment before breaking down into laughter.

"Not at all," Clarke finally manages. "He's like my cousin, maybe older brother. Just... No."

"Especially after that time his girlfriend dumped him and started hitting on you," Octavia adds.

"To be fair, I never dated her out of respect for Bell."

"He was over it in a round of Halo. You totally should've gone for it."

 

10 o'clock.

It should be fairly safe to head back to the dorm room now, Clarke and Octavia will certainly be gone. Surely Guitar Hero can't take more than three hours?

She packs up her laptop and quickly scans the library. Only around fifteen kids in this area, most of them Juniors and Seniors.

The walk back to the room is chilly but well lit, and if there's one thing she loves about TonDC (apart from the fact it's pretty much an Ivy League school), it's how safe the campus feels at night.

Lexa's hand just touches the doorknob at the exact same moment the door itself jerks open abruptly, and the ray of sunshine (the kind so warm it burns) that is Clarke Griffin stumbles out, clearly having been pushed by the girl behind her. She collides with Lexa hard enough to knock both of them off balance, but not enough to force them to the ground. Clarke grabs Lexa's shoulders to steady her, and quickly scans her for damages.

"Oh, gosh, sorry. Are you okay?" Lexa nods mutely because she is so not ok, but for entirely different reasons than the ones that Clarke is thinking of.

"Again, I'm sorry, Lexa, we didn't know you'd be there," Clarke says apologetically.

She doesn't know whether to focus on the girl herself or consider how much she likes the way she says her name.

"Yeah, sorry," pipes up Octavia from behind her (Lexa assumes she was the one to jokingly shove Clarke).

"Anyway, we'll get out of your hair. Thanks, Raven. See ya, Lexa," Clarke smiles, waving at both of them and she's so... capital 's' Something that Lexa kinda wishes she'd stuck around all evening.

"I'll text you guys about induction night! Bye!" Raven calls.

"Goodnight," Lexa finally manages by the time the girls are halfway and easily out of earshot.

Raven shoots her a strange and calculating look. Lexa prays she doesn't say anything.

There is a movement of silence as her roommate shuts the door and they both just stand there for a second.

"So," Raven says, looking Lexa dead in the eye. "Flustered, huh?"


	4. The Face of a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, to quote, "Ugh".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, a super duper short chapter was all I could manage given exams, but hopefully it's better than nothing.

"Don't say anything, Raven Reyes," Lexa mutters, knowing that there's absolutely no chance her roommate will do as she says.

It's the grin that gives her away.

The kind Raven gets when she's just beaten that irritating member of the Trebleshooters (some imbecile named Wick) in her mech class; when Lexa accidentally does something "human" (Raven's words, not Lexa's); or that time Bellamy Blake got slapped on the quad by some girl.

"So," Raven begins, completely ignoring Lexa as predicted. "Clarke, huh? Was it the blonde hair, blue eyes or the lovely friendly attitude that inhibited your usual ability to function?"

Lexa rolls her eyes. "Leave it alone, Reyes, it's nothing. She's pretty and nice, okay? I get crushes on girls all the time. It'll go away soon," she assures her.

"I'm calling bullshit," Raven announces. "You never get crushes. Me? I have a temporary crush when the library assistant tells me to 'have a good one'. But you, Lex? I think I heard you call Scarlet Johansson 'fairly pretty' about four months ago. Well, and you dated -" Raven stops, and takes a breath.

She'd been good about the whole Costia thing. She'd let Lexa grieve for the relationship in her own time, and hadn't tried to force her to open up or any of those usual friend things. But Raven is steeling herself now, she can tell, to cross some sort of invisible, unspoken line.

"You know Clarke isn't Costia, right? She's nothing like her. I'm not saying you gotta date Clarke... Just, don't don't because of what happened last year."

Lexa sighs and flops down onto her bed. She can tell he roommate is waiting for her to get mad or sad, but she doesn't really feel either of those things.

"I know she's not like Costia, Reyes, that's what worries me. Costia always had an expiration date, and everyone knew that, including me. Sure, it hurt when it happened, and I guess I didn't expect it to be so soon, but... Relationships with people like Costia are never sustainable. But they are with people like Clarke. And if that's not an excellent reason to stay the hell away, I don't know what is."

Raven frowns, confused. "Wait, so you're telling me that because it would work with Clarke, you should never try? See I must have misheard, because to me, that sounds like you being a total fucking idiot, Lexa Polis."

Her leg brace creaks threateningly the way it does when she locks her stance.

Lexa turns her face into her pillow for a moment.

"Just because it can work, doesn't mean it always does. With Costia, I could remind myself to keep one foot out the door to make it easier when I was pushed. But we've all met Clarke Griffins, or at least know people who have. They're amazing and beautiful and they draw you in and make you wish things and plan things, and then one day, something unexpected will go wrong, and people end up spending years and decades and their whole lives replaying 'what ifs'. I can't deal with that."

Raven tilts her head to the side. "Okay. That was dramatic, but okay," she says, but her hands are still on her hips, her lips are still pursed and her eyebrows are still in a frown, so really _okay_ means _I'm waiting for your real argument, mate_.

"Plus," Lexa adds quickly, "it's not like she's even into me anyway. She's straight."

"What makes you think that?"

"A general aura of complete and total unattainability."

Raven smirks. "Well, Lexa, wouldn't have picked you of all people to be making judgements about heterosexuality. I just so happen to know that Clarke's so called 'aura of unattainability' is just Clarke and is in no way related to her sexuality. She's queer. Bi or pan or something like that. Octavia and Clarke were talking about some girl she dated. Or didn't, but that was for some other reason. She was pretty free about it, so I guess it's fine to tell you."

"Ugh," Lexa sighs. "Now you've made it complicated."

"What, by letting you know she's available?"

"Yes."

Raven rolls her eyes. "I'll never understand you, Lexa."

"You never will."

"I do understand this, though: if the only contact you ever attempt with Clarke apart from nearly being knocked to the floor together - kudos, by the way, that's like, 0.5th Base - then you'll definitely never get a chance with her."

Lexa sits up abruptly, eyeing her roommate. "That's your planning face, Raven. Put it away. You are not interfering. You swear to me now, you won't do a thing," Lexa presses her warningly.

Raven looks dangerously smug. "Oh, Lexa, if I was a worse friend, I would. But it's too late now."

"Dear god," Lexa groans into her pillow.


	5. Stare & Glare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which its early in the morning, Lexa is trying her best and there is the promise of times to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> I'm going to be releasing a new Clexa Fic within the next couple of days, so keep an eye out for that if you're interested :)

Clarke suppresses the weird bubbly feeling in her stomach, like she's just mainlined expensive champagne she's going to have to pay for sooner or later. 

Octavia casts her a strange glance as they walk together down the lit footpath towards their dorms on the other side of campus. 

"You ok?" O asks. 

"Awesome. Super great. Top of my game. Everything is fine. Why do you ask?" Clarke responds, realising that while she meant to deter her roommate from the subject, that was probably overkill to the point where Octavia will be interested again. 

They nod at Fox as they pass the security guard sitting in her booth, surveying the grounds, and she nods back at them. Clarke has more school pride when she feels safe walking around after dark than she ever does at football games or mooting competitions.

"Well," O says, once a brief moment has passed, "it's been a while since you hit me with three synonyms for the exact same thing. You've been weird since we left Raven's."

Clarke shrugs. Play it cool, O would never let it go if she knew. "Just stressed about all the study I didn't get done while you were beating me."

Octavia grins. "Well, young apprentice, one of the three ingredients to greatness is humility. I am passing to you a powerful skill."

"What are the other two things?" Clarke unlocks their door and stumbles over something in the dark while she practically assaults the wall trying to find the light switch. 

"Um... Feminism and knowing how much pasta you need to cook for just one person. Though let's be real, that last one is basically a super power."

Clarke makes a small sound of agreement, flopping down onto her bed. She honestly can't be stuffed to do any work tonight, a decision she will definitely regret tomorrow. Oh well, she thinks, college is made of seventeen minute naps and bad choices. 

She lets herself stare off into the dark for a moment.

"Yo, Clarke, you still with me?"

"What? Yep. I'm listening. You were saying you're going to watch the Bad Blood video and then go to sleep."

She definitely was not thinking about Lexa, and the way her skin felt warm underneath Clarke's fingers when she steadied her. She has efficiently suppressed the memory of the brief eye contact they shared and how Clarke would've sworn up and down in that moment that blue-green was the only colour in the whole world. 

"I think we could totally do a super hero thing for the Side Notes. Raven could defs rig us up some fire and falling beams and things. Mostly I just wanna dress in badass leather and punch stuff, but this seems like a socially acceptable way to do it," Octavia muses, pulling off her boots and flopping back onto her bed. 

"You know you can wear leather any time, right? As long as you wear it with confidence and poise," Clarke reminds her. 

"Very true," O agrees. There is the vague buzz of a text coming in. A few seconds later (it takes a moment for Octavia to overcome the sudden brightness and actually read the message), she pipes up, "Raven says that Lexa told her auditions are canceled. Our first rehearsal is tomorrow at that mini indoor stadium thing."

"Awesome," Clarke breathes sarcastically, because she'd actually appreciate a few days between now and when she next has to see Lexa, thanks. It would help to get her blood pressure back down and make sure she doesn't die of exposure. 

 

Lexa taps her foot nervously on the cold concrete floor. She's here even earlier than Anya, which is unusual. Mind you, it's also unusual to have a rehearsal before Initiation Night, but her co-captain is more determined than ever to win. Maybe she wants to rattle the cage on the new recruits, or perhaps solidify their loyalty before the alcohol and music sets in. Lexa has never really cared much about the "absolutely no Trebleshooters" rule, because it has absolutely 0 effect on her. At this point, she wishes there was a "no fellow Side Notes" rule, too, to stop her mind wandering off to places it shouldn't be, places with Clarke and not much else. 

After ten minutes of Lexa staring at the foldable chairs and trying to blank her mind, Anya shows up, dragging her whiteboard that features the most detailed battle plan surely ever developed by an acapella group. 

"Hey," Anya greets somewhat gruffly, as is her usual style. She's very efficient with her words, a trait that Lexa has always admired. "Newbies here yet?"

Lexa shakes her head. "I sent out an email last night. They should be here in about a quarter of an hour. Raven may or may not show up late and/or make a dramatic entrance, given that freaking out freshman and questionable pyrotechnics are two of her favourite hobbies."

Anya nods in approval. There has always been a strange, solemn understanding between those two. Basically, Anya understands she'll never have any way of reigning in Raven, and Raven knows to toe the line but not pole vault across it. 

And to be honest, the real problem won't be Raven Reyes today. It'll be Clarke. Or rather, Lexa. Lexa and Clarke. 

Except they're not an 'and'. It's Lexa's stupid, one sided half-crush that is looking dangerously like its about to become a ton of bricks which will hit her at a very inconvenient time. 

"They're here," Anya announces moments later. 

Lexa looks up to see Octavia striding into the room like she's walking into battle, and Clarke a step behind her, looking tired (beautiful) and a little amused. 

"Hey," Clarke says one she's standing in front of them, sounding a touch sleepy in a way that makes Lexa's stomach flip so she's barely able to nod back at Clarke curtly. Maybe she can ice Clarke out, encourage her to avoid Lexa, because Lexa knows she sure as hell doesn't have it in her to be the one who stays away. 

Octavia is casting a curious look between the two other girls, and Lexa takes this as her cue to stride away abruptly, putting some distance between herself and trouble. 

Over the next ten minutes or so, the other girls filter in, a few joining in the quiet conversation the first arrivals have got going. Harper, Lexa remembers from the activities fair. Then... Maia. 

No Charlotte, this year, she notes, but she's not entirely surprised. A very small part of her half-expects Costia to run into the room late, though of course she never does. 

But that's ok. 

"All right," Anya begins in that commanding voice she has which could make the President listen to her in a crowd of diplomats and billionaires. Lexa has picked up the talent from her, which is kind of perfect for being a lawyer. "So... Shall we introduce ourselves? Then we'll get into a warm up, and I'll take you through the set for this round. Tonight is Initiation, so if you're still sure you want to participate by 9pm tonight, we'll see you in the empty pool by the Wells Building."

 

Let the record show that Clarke tries to pay attention to each of the girls as they introduce themselves. She really does. 

One of them is a Harper something. She seems nice. She doesn't exactly burn herself into Clarke's mind, but she suspects that's at least in part because Lexa beat her to it.  
It's hard to stop her gaze from wandering over to the co-captain, to the way her hair falls and languishes on her shoulders, how her gaze seems both cold and warm at the same time, and the vague tilt of her lips. 

Whenever Clarke accidentally makes eye contact with her, the other girl will frown and look more disapproving than she would've thought possible from someone who isn't a parent. That's discouraging (she's not done anything to make Lexa dislike her so), but she's dangerously attractive, so Clarke is willing to make the sacrifice and look at Lexa like she's in an art gallery. 

 

She glares at Clarke to try and balance out the effect of shamelessly staring at her when the other girl is turned away. She's not sure if it's working. 

All in all, Lexa learns exactly zero from their introduction session, except that God, Clarke is beautiful and wow, she has a voice to match. Basically, the entire ninety minutes boils down to her being seriously gay, with an hour and a half of Clarke burned into her brain and what is essentially memory static for everyone else. 

Raven never shows, but that's to be expected this early in the morning. 

She manages to get it together and pay attention as Anya wraps up the meeting, reminding all the girls once again to be at the pool by the Wells Building. 

Ah, yes. Initiation Night. Alcohol, music and Clarke. What could possibly go wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if anyone else has already written a PPAU for Clexa, I don't mean to infringe.  
> If you have any creative criticism, or other AUs (short or long) you would like written, please drop me an ask on my tumblr, 'newyorkrenegades'


End file.
